From novice to dating expert in 10,000 hours: two theories explaining the role of deliberate practice and intuition in superior dating ability

Abstract

Why are some heterosexual males so fast, intuitive, and “expert” at initiating romantic relationships with female strangers? Is it a rare talent or “gift” some individuals are born with, or is there another explanation? This thesis draws on the psychology of expert performance—the leading field of research on optimal performance—to propose two theories that challenge our understanding of dating expertise. The first theory, dating skills deliberate practice, argues that—like expertise in chess, music, and sports—superior dating skills are developed by accumulating thousands of hours of deliberate practice (Ericsson, Krampe, & Tesch-Römer, 1993). The second, the four pillars of expert dating intuition, forwards that, similar to elite fighter pilots, sports stars, and chess masters, dating experts’ superior decision making relies on sophisticated powers of intuition. The theory identifies four characteristics which underlie dating experts’ intuition: dual processing, expert perception, emotional attunement, and autonomous adaptability. The theories were developed by analysing interview data from a sample of arguably the most skilled male dating experts (n = 15) to have been subjected to scientific research, who were all adjudged to be “superior performers at dating initiation.” Thematic analysis revealed that, while all the participants were novices at the start of their developmental journey, after a minimum of 5 years (range, 5 to 16 years) and thousands of hours of dating skills deliberate practice (seven participants were calculated to have accumulated over 10,000 hours), they all developed expert dating skills. Their practice in nightclubs, coffee shops, and other public spaces, was highly repetitive, challenging, goal-orientated, and relied on feedback. This research is the first to associate deliberate practice with dating expertise. The findings challenge prevailing giftedness theories that assert superior dating ability is the preserve of naturally talented individuals, being derived from relatively fixed heritable traits said to include physical attractiveness, personality, and intellect. The findings also challenge Dreyfus and Dreyfus’ (1988) influential characterisation of expert intuition and decision making, arguing they overemphasise the role of “unconscious” System 1 style processing, and understate the role of conscious System 2 style reasoning. The research findings could facilitate new clinical dating skills training methods, thereby helping people whose shyness, social anxiety, and low dating skills undermine their ability to establish rewarding romantic relationships